PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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