i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
