The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
