By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Where is the hickey?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
