Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
