i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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