every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I love how my cats smell like pot.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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