whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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