I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
