I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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