Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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