It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
