Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
