Do you still have your period?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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