I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
