So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
