My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
