I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
