thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize