I don't usually arrange sex via text message
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
