Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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