So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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