took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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