Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
