his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
