Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
