Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
