Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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