am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
