i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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