I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
