It was confusing and full of hummus
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
She's not a foreskin expert like you
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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