So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
The best revenge is premature balding
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
