JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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