I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
