Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
