My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I think my vagina is haunted
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
