Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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