Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
