last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
