how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
