I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
