omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
