i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm both gender and math confused
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
