Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
