Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
