the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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