do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I just want to make out with him forever
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Randomize
