TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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