You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Randomize
