you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize