Tell her she can't have a vagina
Pants 0. Shit 1.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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