nut hugger
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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