NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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