It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
