He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I just blew my weed a kiss
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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