Jerry, you need to find god
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
