Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
