I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
