Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
