Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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