A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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