ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
